our houses dream so hard

little jet lag lions are a sight to behold! what fun they will have on tour next month. little happy felt lions.

i close my eyes and imagine myself to be a little felt lion. soft and warm and brightly colored. stitched oh so lovingly and with a sweet face.

i did not sleep much last night. my anxiety was fierce and my insides hurt. oh what fun it is to be a girl. i woke up too many times to count and at three a.m. max leapt out of bed barking his little head off in the kitchen and i followed him. i nearly had a heart attack. i was sure that this was it. all my irrational fears of the faceless intruder were real and we were about to meet our maker. he barked and barked and barked and barked. the loudest bark in the world. dead silence in the air and all i can here is the blood blasting in my eardrums and max barking.

that was it for me. i tossed and turned the rest of the morning praying the sun would just hurry the hell up already. meanwhile i should stress that the instant max is done barking he climbs back into his little bed and passes out cold - snoring. am i the maniac because i fight sleep until it takes me? or is he crazy because he falls asleep instantly as if to say "no big deal man". what a jerk. the best sleep i got was from 7 -8. i woke up with lines on my face and my arms were numb.

this morning for some strange reason i had the urge to find my first boyfriend on facebook. it randomly dawned on me over tea. why - i have no clue. i never think about him. so i searched around some friends pages and googled him. i finally found him and discovered he moved back to the bay and owns a realtor's office in montclair. i found him on facebook. there are no pictures of him anywhere.... i mean nowhere. apparently he now looks like a lovely tree. don't realtors always have silly headshots on their websites? no. his do not. and he is a tree on facebook.

perhaps he is horribly deformed now and is ashamed to show his face. that might make selling houses a bit ackward. i did not contact him. it's a little nerve wracking.

not as nerve wracking as deciding late last night to send my mother the song i recorded about her two years ago. we have started emailing a little. correction. i emailed her a week ago and asked for a list of the songs she used to sing me as a child. i want to record some for a friend who is having twins soon. i block her emails and forgot they go to my trash so i assumed she never wrote me. i found three emails all about a mile long. full of stuff that i don't know anything about and that has nothing to do with the songs. i emailed her again asking to supply the list if possible and she is cleverly putting it off with this response "oh that list is easily 500 songs deep. and most of them are passed down not written down but i can try to record some and send them to you". we shall see. she is sending me the novel she's writing. i gave her our address. possible mistake i don't know yet. i may start receiving more mail than i care to.

and so i sent her the song. she asked to hear my songs and i figured what the hell. let's start there. the anticipation of her reply is kind of making me crazy. i shouldn't have sent it.

and now the day begins.